Space Coast Eaters Guide, Volume 3

I know this makes quite a jarring break from the Greece vacation talk in the last post, but we just booked a spring break trip back to the Space Coast, so I thought I'd update my Space Coast Eaters Guide.

Before we begin, I invite you to go back and read Part I, which features my discussion of "Floridity" as a concept, and the follow it up with Part II.

Ok, back from that? Here's part three. Happy eating!

Rising Tides

This is the new kid out at the port area, It's set off the water, though, back by the building that looks like a giant sail boat. It's large and loud and shiny, kind of an upscale Chili's. They've built a nice outdoor dining deck above the drainage basin, which is a lovely place to enjoy a meal if there isn't a massive fish die off (as there was when we visited). Service can be slow if it's crowded, and the beer selection is waaaay too huge and nuanced to be authentically Floridian. Only come here if you're freshly showered.
Floridity Factor:🐊🐊 A sort of anodyne version of a traditional Florida B & G. More swank than dank.

Longboards Tiki Beach Grill/Castaways Beach Bar

Imagine a poolside bar that turned into a...larger version of itself, and that's Longboards. Not particularly "tiki," per se, but if you're looking for a place with loud music, well drinks, and a clientele of dripping wet people wrapped in beach towels, it hits the spot real nice. Eating here feels a bit odd if you're not staying at the hotel, since the pool is like right there (and you’re definitely not allowed to swim in it). But they're happy to take your money, so if you can overlook the vague sense you're gatecrashing, don't let this review stop you. In addition to the main restaurant, Longboards has a secret weapon called "Castaways," a bitchin little tiki idyll built on the dune along the wooden boardwalk that connects the hotel pool and the beach. Partially hidden by the beach grass and sea grapes, I happened upon it on a beach walk and popped in for quick rum tipple. You'll almost forget you're at a Hilton!

Floridity Factor:🐊🐊🐊 Earns the third gator because of Castaways, and the location can't be beat, but the well-healed clientele and hotel lobby prices make it decidedly mid from a Floridity standpoint.

Seafood Atlantic

Is it a restaurant? A seafood market? It's both! With a primo spot along the cruise port canal, The ol' S n' A, runs a fresh caught fish and shellfish counter and dips its toe in the restaurant biz on the side. The decor is fairly spartan, and the wait times can be brutal when a cruise ship is in dock, but you can't beat the freshness without going fishing yourself. I mean, there just not much of a dining experience to be had here. Ideal for a lunchtime pop in, though I’d I’d opt for one of it’s neighbors for supper if wait times permit.

Floridity Factor:🐊🐊🐊 The seafood is top notch, and you're literally watching dolphins and salty deckhands pass by, but they're trying to be two things and are caught between hitner nor yon.

Joanne's Beachside Cafe

Joanne's is a classic breakfast joint at heart, rather than a Bar &Grill(e), but it's got a number of classic Florida B&G attributes, particularly the mothering service and A WHOLE BUNCH of crazy crap on the walls. The theme is actually less "beachside" and more "slightly snarkier Cracker Barrel," with old timey lamps and farm paraphenalia strewn around, plus lots of signage, ranging from funny ("We Have No Wifi - Talk to Each Other") to maudlin ("We may not have it all together, but together we have it all), to downright MAGA. Fare is classic breakfast diner food, as delicious as it is unhealthy--and served in heaping portions. This is where you want to come if you miss home and need some mothering, because the waitresses are definitely going to mother you.

Floridity Factor:🐊🐊🐊 Handicapped by not being it's not a true bar & grill(e), ol' Joanne's certainly lets you know you're somewhere in the south.